Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
