I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
