enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
