Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
