She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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