Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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