Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He has the fingertips of a God
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