a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
