I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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