What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
