I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
