Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
