ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
