whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Randomize
