So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
