Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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