you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
