the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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