there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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