OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
