Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
