i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
