So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
