So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
