she was so not down for the gang bang
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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