Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
