It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
