There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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