I just threw up on my dentist
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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