Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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