I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
