True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
