Barsexuality is the new black.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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