Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
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I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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