So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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