I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
