You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
