You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
