I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Two words: blizzard sex
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
