That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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