remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You left your phone here
Wait...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
