Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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