Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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