just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
