he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
