Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
