omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
