she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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