I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
