im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Hippo gnu deer
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
