he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
