What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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