His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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