i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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