Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Found the puke drawer
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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