My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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