dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
