everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
false alarm. still invincible.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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