threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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