My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
No subtext here. People are naked.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
