i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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