She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
