Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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