people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
