No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
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I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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