i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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