He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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