youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
