im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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