ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
