no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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