I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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