You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
