Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
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Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
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Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.