i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
