I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
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It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
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It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...