Texts From Last Night

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.

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  (503): I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink. http://tfl.nu/0fnk
  Replies (114) Good night (3945) Bad night (736)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...

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  (206): he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker... http://tfl.nu/z1il
  Replies (16) Good night (5279) Bad night (1291)
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  (331): View more from Illinois

  My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.

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  (331): My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good. http://tfl.nu/opzi
  Replies (17) Good night (5457) Bad night (882)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn

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  (931): i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn http://tfl.nu/8o33
  Replies (10) Good night (713) Bad night (1806)
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  (310): View more from California

  Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.

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  (310): Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth. http://tfl.nu/zdvm
  Replies (5) Good night (1104) Bad night (609)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.

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  (605): but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair. http://tfl.nu/hd3s
  Replies (4) Good night (1618) Bad night (929)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.

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  (610): So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house. http://tfl.nu/bt1m
  Replies (16) Good night (1631) Bad night (637)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being

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  (904): Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being http://tfl.nu/rzj7
  Replies (1) Good night (693) Bad night (588)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.

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  (614): I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely. http://tfl.nu/lx5s
  Replies (7) Good night (353) Bad night (903)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea

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  (503): I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now (503): Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea http://tfl.nu/ll9z
  Replies (5) Good night (500) Bad night (611)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult

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  (902): moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult http://tfl.nu/tb3l
  Replies (0) Good night (442) Bad night (509)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time

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  (913): well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time http://tfl.nu/j1wb
  Replies (1) Good night (486) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.

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  (937): I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male. http://tfl.nu/56t8
  Replies (2) Good night (429) Bad night (602)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."

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  (281): I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off." http://tfl.nu/27tg
  Replies (3) Good night (710) Bad night (455)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.

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  (517): Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil. http://tfl.nu/v2cg
  Replies (4) Good night (464) Bad night (286)

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