smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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