I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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