Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
