Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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