I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize