I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
